Why I’m forgiving my child’s father…

Whether you’re working on co-parenting, or he’s completely out of the picture, most of you #savedsinglemommies may agree your child’s father is one of the hardest people to forgive. You may feel the mistakes he’s made are unforgivable… he was mentally, emotionally, or physically abusive, he left you to carry the weight of raising a child alone, or he’s inconsistent and constantly makes promises he can’t keep.  

Internationally acclaimed author Marianne Williamson says it best;

“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die,” Williamson said, “Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” 

Whatever the reason for your unforgiveness, God calls us to release the offense, forgiving others as He forgives us. Harboring hurt, pain, and resentment only hurts you and your child in the end.

My Forgiveness Story 

I’ve always been a so-called “Daddy’s girl”. Sometimes I catch myself reminiscing on the special moments we shared when I was younger… learning the two-step at Daddy-daughter dances, sitting side-by-side on rollercoasters, and even the time he taught me swimming lessons. Whether it was a spelling bee, band concert, graduation, or birthday, my dad never missed a beat. Whatever the occasion, he is always there to cheer me on. Naturally, I hoped my children would have the same tight-knit relationship with their dad, but it never occurred to me that it may not happen the way I intended. 

My child’s father has hurt me in more ways than I can count. He was distant during my pregnancy, a no-show at my baby shower, and several hours late to my daughter’s birth. He’s been inconsistent since the day she was born. One minute he’s making her a priority, and the next, I don’t hear from him for months.  

His irresponsibility drove me to anger and bitterness. I held his offenses against him. When he did make the effort to come around, I couldn’t hold back my fits of rage. If I’m honest, my flesh wanted revenge. I wanted my daughter to hate him. I wanted him to feel the pain he’d inflicted so deeply in my heart. That is until I heard a still small voice during one of my outrageous rants against him, “I forgave you, now forgive him,” God said. 

Despite the pain my child’s father continues to put me through, I’ve learned holding on to unforgiveness won’t solve anything. It holds me in bondage, making me vulnerable to the enemy’s schemes. Over time, God has transformed my bitter heart and filled it with peace, joy, and love. If he did for me, he can surely do it for you. 

Are you a #savedsinglemommy struggling to forgive your child’s father? Take these steps to let go of bitterness;

Practical Steps to Forgive; 

REMEMBER- what Jesus did for you 

“… He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well being fell upon him, and by His scourging, we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

Jesus Christ, our Lord, and Savior, endured a horrible death so that we may live. God’s sacrifice through his son Jesus is the perfect representation of unconditional and everlasting love. God offers us grace and mercy time and time again, even when we choose to turn towards our wicked ways.

Whenever you find it difficult to forgive your child’s father think about the worst thing you’ve ever done. Then think about how God forgave you for it. Meditate on Isaiah 53:5. The things He’s done for us we can’t repay. Let Jesus be your example.

RELEASE- resentment and respond with good 

“Never take your revenge beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. (Romans 12:19)

Stop trying to get even! As Romans 12:19 says, vengeance belongs to the Lord. Remember, your bitter heart only hurts you, not your child’s father.

Instead of responding with hatred, learn to respond with good. Forgiveness is a true act of faith. Ask God to guide you through it. Allow the holy spirit to lead every encounter with your child’s father. Make it a goal to exhibit the fruits of the spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

REALIZE- it’s a process  

“Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18: 21-22)

I struggled to live by Jesus’ philosophy in Matthew 18:21-22. Every time my child’s father would get back in my good grace, it wouldn’t be long before he managed to disappoint me again. I remember asking God, “How do I forgive someone who keeps hurting me?” 

That’s when the Holy Spirit revealed to me forgiveness is not completed in one step, it’s a process. Choosing to forgive means dying to your flesh daily.

Sincerely,

The Saved Single Mommy

Do you want to choose Jesus as Lord and Savior of your life? 

Pray this prayer;  

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank you for dying on the cross for my sin.

Please forgive me.

Come into my life. I receive You as my Lord and Savior.

Now, help me to live for you the rest of this life.

In the name of Jesus, I pray.

Amen.