Healing properly from rejection

Cori, my rambunctious two-year-old, just recently healed from a fractured collar bone. A couple of weeks before her second birthday, she managed to use the pillows from my bed, which sits next to hers, to catapult her way out of her crib. After spending hours in the emergency room, doctors stressed the importance of wearing her arm sling faithfully and abstaining from extra-curricular activities for the next six weeks to allow her collar bone time to heal properly. Any quick movement could cause the bone more damage, ultimately requiring surgery.

While most of us #savedsinglemommies would follow the doctor’s instructions without hesitation, many of us take the more lenient approach to our emotional healing. We rush through the process, attempting to glue the broken pieces of our hearts back together, only causing more trauma in the long run.

Undeniably, rejection feels like a blade penetrating the heart.  The sting is excruciating and unbearable. Maybe you didn’t get the job you wanted, the person you had feelings for chose to commit to someone else, or a close friend betrayed you. Oftentimes, the discomfort drives you into depression, leaving you battling feelings of worthlessness.  

Rejection is even more painful when it comes from the people you love; your significant other, family members, friends, coworkers, or your church community. Unfortunately, the pain is inevitable. If Jesus himself was rejected, we #savedsinglemommies must all face the agony at one point or another. Nonetheless, there is always a beauty that comes with being passed over… spiritual wholeness. Yet, reaching this high point is only possible if you allow yourself to heal the right way.

Have you come to the end of yourself? Are you finally ready to let God mend your broken heart? Then keep reading!  

Healthy Cycle of Healing vs. Toxic Cycle of Healing

Denial vs. Acceptance

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28)

There is usually an initial shock that comes with being rejected. You may be so taken aback that you don’t know how to process it. This could lead you into the denial stage. You deny that you’re hurting by burying your feelings. You may try to keep yourself productive with futile tasks. Because you’re staying busy, you’re fooled into thinking you’re healing, but you’re really just emotionally stagnant.   

Instead, you should accept what you feel. Don’t bury your emotions, acknowledge them. Admit to yourself, and to God, that you’re hurting. Be real about your feelings of worthlessness, and fears of never measuring up. As Matthew 11:28 says, find rest in Him, for His yoke is easy and his burden is much lighter than our own.

Worldly Satisfaction vs. Spiritual Satisfaction

“For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, And the hungry soul He has filled with what is good.” (Psalm 107:9)

After pushing through the denial stage, you usually seek to satisfy your feelings of emptiness with worldly desires. Maybe you’re an emotional eater, a gym rat, or a serial dater. Maybe you’re spending more nights hanging out in bars, and fewer nights reading your Bible.  Either way, you’re hoping to fill a God-sized void with meaningless things, only to be left unsatisfied.

The proper way to heal is to satisfy your spiritual longing. As a woman made in the image of God, you are designed to desire intimacy with the Creator. Yet, your sinful nature often leads you to try to find that same fulfillment elsewhere.  As Psalm 107:9 says, only Jesus satisfies the thirsty soul.

Hurting vs. Healing

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)

After you realize you can’t quench your worldly thirst, you usually seep into the hurting stage. You can no longer outrun the pain. Suddenly, it hits you like a ton of bricks. You become deeply depressed. You question your worth, your purpose, and God. You’re wondering why your Heavenly Father, who loves you unconditionally, would allow you to endure so much pain.

Nonetheless, this should be your healing stage, where you allow God to heal you of the pain you’re so afraid to face. Unfortunately, we live in a broken world where we can’t avoid rejection. Still, if God allows it, he has a greater purpose for it. Take the pressure off of yourself. As Psalm 147:3 says, allow God to mend the broken pieces of your heart.

Unhealed Trauma vs. Wholeness

“After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.” (1 Peter 5:10)

The last stage is the worst for many. Because you’ve relied on your own strength, you’re now carrying around unhealed trauma and taking it out on everyone and everything you encounter. You may have sworn off opening your heart again, making new friends, joining another church, or submitting another job application. The immense fear of rejection pushes you into isolation. While you know you’re keeping the right people out, you feel it’s much safer than letting the wrong people in.  

Still, God gives hope to the hopeless. Even after we’ve suffered, God can redeem us, making us whole in Him. As 1 Peter 5:10 reads His glory will perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish us. Put your faith and trust in Him. Let Him properly heal you from rejection.

Sincerely,

The Saved Single Mommy

Do you want to choose Jesus as Lord and Savior of your life? 

Pray this prayer;  

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank you for dying on the cross for my sin.

Please forgive me.

Come into my life. I receive You as my Lord and Savior.

Now, help me to live for you the rest of this life.

In the name of Jesus, I pray.

Amen.